Stock market collapses, US economy downgraded, riots on the streets of the London – thank Christ that the Premier League is back. And not a moment too soon. The Shirtman gives you the outsiders guide to the teams involved, in no particular orde
Newcastle – Certain things in life you can just count on; death, taxes, and Joey Barton behaving like a douchebag. Sure, there are better ways to come into a season than offering up your best player on a free transfer, but that’s what the Toontown faithful are looking at. Shame too, because Pardew did a hell of a job with these blokes last time out.
Swansea – A lot of pundits are predicting Swansea will struggle to stay up this season. Pundits aren’t always right, but often times they are. This feels like one of those times.
Blackburn – There are concerns in Socceroo circles that Brett Emerton may be growing too old for a full 90 minutes of breakneck football in Australia’s upcoming Asia Cup campaign. In a related story, Brett Emerton is one of Blackburn’s best players.
Everton – Speaking of teams relying too heavily on Aussie legends, Everton have done little to improve their depth and still haven’t managed to find a striker who can help last season’s top scorer (Tim Cahill) in finding the net. The Toffees are good, and capable of rising to a big occasion…but anything better than a top 8 finish would surprise.
Fulham – And speaking of Aussies who are getting old, it’s worth pointing out that Mark Schwarzer turns 72 this year. Or was born in ’72. I can’t remember which. Anyways, he made a significant contribution to a battle hardened, veteran Fulham outfit last year. Clint Dempsey is their go to man. Given that – if they can threaten to be in the Europa cup fight this season they will have done okay for themselves.
Queens Park Rangers – They were known as the Barca of the Championship last season, but will likely find the going a lot tougher this time around. The biggest possible signing for this club will be potential new owner Tony Fernandes who will bring to the club the most important thing any person can bring – truckloads of cash. Failing that, their season will rely heavily on Kieron Dyer finally living up to his potential. Hmm.
Wigan – A few years back Wigan were known for their brutal defence and lack of attack. Nowadays they are known for their attacking flair and their porous defence. If they ever figure out how to put all of this together at the one time, these guys could be interesting.
Stoke – Stoke have found a home in the Premier League, competing admirably against more highly touted squads without ever causing too many waves. They are fun though – they have a fanatical home crowd and Rory Delap’s long throws are worth the price of admission alone.
Norwich – In a land of Black Cats, Wolves and Gunners, it goes without saying that any team called the ‘Canaries’ is not going to intimidate folks too easily. On this occasion, folks are probably right not to be intimidated, and it could be a one and done sort of project for Norwich unless they can cause some upsets along the way.
Sunderland – Sunderland were solid last season, and backed that performance up with a strong off-season as well – signing former United players John O’Shea and Wes Brown for a Red Devils reunion at the Stadium of Light. There are worse strategies than collecting former United players who know what it takes to succeed at this level. Let’s see how it goes.
Aston Villa – The Villans have lost Ashley Young and Stewart Downing, but picked up a couple of potential stars in Charles N’Zogbia and Shay Given. Given in particular could be one to watch – after spending last season on Manchester City’s bench counting his money he sounds like a man who is ready to defend the goal mouth with his life. On this team, there will probably be nights when it comes to that. Alex McLeish takes over as Manager after a stint as chief gaffer at Birmingham. That ought to go down well with at Villa Park.
Bolton – A few months back Stuart Holden broke his leg. Five days ago Chung Yong Lee broke his leg. Two days ago Owen Coyle broke his leg. Their best player is probably Kevin Davies, who turns 35 this year and with any luck has been drinking plenty of milk.
Wolverhampton – Mediocre sort of squad with plenty of grit and a cool team logo. Bossman Mick McCarthy also does a decent line in comedic post match quotes. They will very likely be involved in the relegation battle, and nobody should expect them to go quietly.
West Bromwich – Roy Hodgson’s experience with Liverpool last year may well have been a fiasco on par with the Gallipoli landing, but he turned things around at West Brom, surprising plenty to keep the club in the top flight for this season. If he can pull off the same feat again, it’s going to be the feel good story of 2012.
Arsenal – Of course, if you like your stories with a little more drama than that, you may want to turn your attentions toward the ongoing Arsenal saga, where Arsene Wenger looks over his troops with the same sort of apprehension as did Captain Bligh in his last few minutes on the Bounty. They were a few wins away from winning the title last season, but they’ve backslid since then. Their acquisitions have been few, and they look certain to lose the discontented pairing of Cesc Fabgregas and Samir Nasri. Add that to some ongoing problems in defence and it seems like their once ascending star is suddenly set to plummet. Of course, the Gunners have surprised before, so who is to say they won’t do it again here?
Tottenham – If there was a competition in which you were awarded points for creating a team that threatened to do great things before reverting to the anonymity of the pack, then the Spurs could well be the champions of the world. Unfortunately for Tottenham fans, there is no such competition. Of course, with the riots going on right now everybody probably has bigger problems on their mind.
Liverpool – Every year there is some sucker who keeps tipping the Reds for way too long, because in theory their squad looks great. This year, that sucker will be me. Kenny Dalglish showed what his men could do toward the end of last season, and they have only got stronger since then. They probably don’t have the depth to challenge for a title, but the recent years of heartache and embarrassment will come to an end here. You know, in theory.
Manchester City – There are two kinds of Premier League teams; those with money, and those who never win a title. City used to be the latter, but now they are the former. Toward that end they have had a productive off-season. Sergio Aguero could be anything, they seem to have talked Carlos Tevez out of jumping off the cliff and Gael Clinchy looks set to bolster an already impressive unit. Which takes care of the money. Now, about those titles…
Chelsea – All eyes on Chelsea’s new Manager Andres Villas-Boas, who comes into the season with the unenviable twin tasks of putting the ghost of Jose Mourinho to bed once
